This is the 2nd part to my Breakups: My life.
When I met him in that coffee shop I felt as if I couldn't remember all the terrible things that happened between me and him. The fact that he was my first made me connected to him on a certain level, but I thought I could get over that part. Right when I saw him again, that's all I could think about. I had given him something so special... to a piece of shit guy I might add.
While we talked he apologized for all the lies he had told to me. He said he had matured and that he had learned from our relationship ending. I walked right into more of his lies, as embaressing as it is to say, I believed him. After I left the coffee shop I felt like I needed more. Just talking through things wasn't enough. I contacted him and skipping to the actual stuff, we got back together about a month later.
But the lies hadn't stopped. He never told his parents that we got back together like he said he had. He talked to ANOTHER girl while we were together. The lies had... I wanted to say gotten worse but I don't think any lie justifys as an "okay lie to tell". I found all of this out but I still chose to stay with him. I got to a bad place though where my depression was starting to come back very badly. It was such a toxic relationship and I was letting it control me.
I started feeling so badly about myself that I felt like the relationship was the only "good thing" that I had, although that was far from true. He became very judgmental and would talk down to me and make me feel little. He started to get on me for things that I did and it almost seemed that he wanted me to change everything about myself. As you guys can tell, we broke up again for the 2nd time.
Dealing with this breakup: It has been so different then the last breakup. I have felt so much more confident in myself this time, I finally realize that I deserve better and that I WILL HAVE better. Someone who treats me the way I want to be treated, the right way. And most importantly someone who is honest with me. Ive probably only cried twice in the last two months and it feels good to know that he is a piece of shit (mind my language). Instead of missing him, I am happy and I feel that he treated me that way due to the problems in his own life. He has something wrong with him and its NOT me. I am now focusing on myself and keeping myself happy and healthy. I am my first priority.
Anyone out there in a toxic relationship, or going through a breakup, I want you to know that you are so important and its not selfish or bad to put yourself first. There is only one you and you need to FOCUS on what's important. The person your with doesn't define you and doesn't control you. Do what makes you happy and feels good, and the rest will fall into place.
xoxoxo
Link to my breakup video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63nuqDNom5Q
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